A Year In The Life

 

One of the things I remember from waking up this morning is the mole on my husband's back slowly coming into focus. I have been sleeping and waking up next to this person for a year, and sometimes I feel like I don't know him - take that mole for example, it's the first time I've noticed that. 

There are also his mood swings that I need to get used to.

And his strange foreign ways.

Last night we had dinner at 16 Haussman. The maître d' took us to the champagne room while they readied our table. I was already a little drunk because we had pink champagne at home while exchanging anniversary gifts - cotton shirts for the first year. So I started the dinner heureuse or "happy," as the French would say, and through the course of the meal I had more wine so I only got happier and happier. 

The place was almost empty by dessert time, and the oddly quiet retired Japanese couples were beginning to file out, the drunk woman realized her date wasn't coming, the man behind us proposed to his girlfriend, and H and I clapped.

As we wound down after desserts, the maître d' gave us each a plate of financiers and chocolate truffles with two tiny candles to congratulate us on our anniversary.

So we made it through the first year. The candles said it. It was hard, but we made it. 

By some standards we were hilaw, we did not spend more than 3 weeks every 3 months together for almost 2 years before we decided to get married, so how were we to know this was going to work out? Well, we didn't. It's the bravest thing we've ever done in our lives. We are both still mysteries to be unraveled, and who doesn't love a good mystery? It's like being married to the Rosetta.

People wait their entire lives to find someone to love, much less someone to love forever, and we found each other by luck. And some people fall in and out of love so capriciously, or turn and run at the first sign of turbulence, which is also smart, so I respect that. There were many times when we were on the brink of calling it quits because our personalities and our cultures clashed - but our vows turned out to be much stronger than our stubborn pride. And we learned the power of the words "sorry" and "respect" and finally truly understood "love."

Some people love themselves more or have yet to grow more to fully commit; but what I've learned here, if I learned anything at all, is that there is no state of being "ready" or "able" to love. No matter your stage of emotional or intellectual enlightenment, when you love, you love; that's it pansit. We chose to grow more together, and hopefully grow old together. Paris or Pinas, these are just addresses. Whether it's in the mountains of Kilimanjaro or the deeps of the Sulawesi - where he is, I want to be; where I want to be, he'll be with me.

The first year was for discovering each other.

The second is for discovering the world.

The third year is for creating a home.

The next hundred years is going to be interesting.